Ted's Bridge World Dante's Infernal

With Age Comes Wisdom?  Phooey!

One can read all about expert plays and other accomplishments in the ACBL Bulletin, wherein no one would dare discuss players' failings or foibles; but for a realistic accounting of life at a typical bridge club, readers must come here instead.  Nevertheless, I have received a few emails to the effect that perhaps I concentrate a bit too much on examples of silly play by the local players.  Unfortunately, bizarre and inferior performances are the norm at Dante's Infernal, and that is my primary source of juicy material.  Being sensitive to readers' concerns, however, and to show that we play fair on this site, I have opted for a change of tack today, by acknowledging certain of my own recent actions as suitably "juicy" subject matter.

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At last Sunday's Unit Game, I became declarer in hearts holding AKxxxx opposite Qx in trumps.  I drew three rounds of trump, with both opponents showing out on the third round.  As the play continued, I anxiously awaited the appearance of the missing heart, which also would officially establish a revoke.

By the end of play, however, the errant trump had not materialized; it was not in either defender's hand!  I promptly proclaimed that the deal was defective, which would not have come as a surprise to anyone in light of the fact that the first-round duplication of boards had proved to be a nightmarish scenario at several tables.

I reiterated that the deck seemed defective and explained why.  Then, somehow summoning some presence of mind before calling the director, I looked again in my own hand, discovering that I held not six hearts, but seven!

When I ashamedly shared my finding with the table, my LOL opponent immediately retorted, "You are defective!"  And she was right.

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During the final match in the Swiss Teams at the recent Chico Sectional, I came up with a new "coup" of sorts.  Although I surely didn't invent this play, I might well be the first to report it.

In the great literature of bridge plays, there are finesses and double finesses, squeezes and double squeezes, trump coups and double trump coups.  I now propose a new addition to the lexicon, having discovered that there also are:  Senior Moments and Double Senior Moments!

In the Swiss match, being in contention for the win, I nevertheless managed to go down in an easy contract due to two factors:  I forgot that I had held the high spade, and I forgot which opponent had bid clubs.  That surely qualifies as an example of my new coup.

I am pleased to announce that my teammates carried us on to first place despite my aberration.  I am less happy to admit, however, that subsequently I personally have managed to perpetrate a Triple Senior Moment.  Now that's benefiting from experience!

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"Getting old is the shits."   — Edith Emik

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